What a topic, almost just let this one pass on by. Not much into control freaks, those that know what is best for you or so they think. Those that want to tell you that nope you can't do that or you should do this. Yep pretty much just going to let them go by the side, oh please do enjoy those they are able to control but when a person allows those words "You can't do this" slip out of the mouth towards me anyway danged if I am not going to do my best to do what I have been told I can't do.
Now don't get me wrong, if advice is asked for and then given that is way different. I love my Mother with all my heart she can be fun, we have some good times together but bless her heart she loves to tell others what they should and shouldn't do, me being top of that list because I am the one she sees the most. It is so hard to raise our parents lol they have to be taught that we are indeed adults like it or not, and can make our own decisions, right or wrong they are ours to make. I told her one time Mother for gosh sake I am 50 years old how do I have to be before you realize you can't tell me what to do anymore? Yep pretty much went over like a lead balloon.
Please understand that a lot of this is done in fun, she gives me hell I call her an old hag and tell her to knock it off, we both laugh and go on our way. She knows in her own heart that I am going to do what I feel I need to do for myself regardless of how she feels about it. She really is quite a grand old lady who will forever be 39, cause you know if Jack Benny can do it so can she.
Now taking all this into serious thought and consideration I have found that oh my gosh I have become my Mother, telling my kids they can't do this or that, oh gosh what the heck was I thinking? Fact is I wasn't, but when I did you could picture me stepping back and telling myself now Jul you have to let them do as they please it is their life after all, theirs to make or break and experience what they choose to. We don't often see eye to eye on what they do, and at times I cringe at what I know (ya know because we as Mom's are so smart and know it all) what the outcome of what they are about to take on is going to be.
In doing this I finally understand what my poor Mother has gone through all these years, but it still doesn't make what she or I did right. Just means we need to understand that we have to allow our control to slip and let everyone do as they want. I have noticed my Mother let herself relax a little these last few years and her making the statement many times that everyone has to live their own lives the way they choose and we have to allow them to do that.
So pretty much content to just sit back watch and see what happens, I would never dream of taking away any one's freedom, so not going to take away anything they might experience by making their own choices. Gotta say that at times it can be hard not to make a comment, but letting go of that control is good not just for me as I am no longer responsible for what they do, nor do I have to help them clean up the mess if there is one and can only smile and tell them good job when they do right.
Thanks for reading
Blessings n' hugs
Jul
If I had kids, I imagine it would be really hard for me to sit back and watch what happens,knowing my history and what kids are capable of doing! But then again, if I had had more restrictive parents it wouldn't have made any difference in where I ended up. No easy answers I guess.
ReplyDeleteNow that my kids are 23, 21, and 18, they pretty much run their own lives. I still can tell the 18 year old what to do sometimes, but forget about controlling the 23 year old. I can't believe your mom hasn't figured this obvious point out yet.
ReplyDeleteWhen my middle child was eighteen, she called me and said, "Being eighteen, I know I don't need your permission, but I'd like your blessing for getting my cartilage pierced."
I said, "Sure." What else could I say? She was going to do it anyway and it certainly wasn't worth a fight. At least she called first, and her little loop earring is cute.
Joyce
http://joycelansky.blogspot.com
@Joyce..hey..it could have been her tongue...etc.. : ) HEHE
ReplyDeleteMy mom lived with me for awhile after Jeannie Francis Wilma and Katrina hit..yup blew my parents RIGHT into my house. OMG..at first it was really awesome...shortly after my b/p was going up..it didn't matter i was middle age AND it was my kitchen...: ) i still was "their" child!
hehe love the blog ((hugs))
Wonderful post. We ultimately can only be in control of our own destiny.
ReplyDeleteHaving never had a proper mother figure, I can't really relate to that part, but I can very much relate to being told what I should and should not do... mainly by people who have no flamin' right to do so *groan* I hope I don't tell my kids what to do, beyond the reasons of safety, because I have raised them to be individuals and to make their mistakes, just as I had to. My place is to be here if they need the pieces picking up, an overflowing bowl of food and a place to quietly shed a tear. Cool post *hugs*
ReplyDeleteOh dear Jul...I have one of those Mom's. I wish I could honestly say we sit back and laugh at it...no...she feels she has the right to tell me what to do, at almost *cringe* 40 and I have to remind her that the umbilical cord was cut at birth. Oh she doesn't like it, but she eventually sees that while I always appreciate her "advice" I ultimately make my own decisions.
ReplyDeleteAs for my kids...I haven't started on them too much. They are all underage..but I like them to learn their actions have consequences...own your actions and you own your consequences. Much different take then what I was brought up with...Maybe I won't turn into the control momma. ONLY time will tell :)
Wonderful post...thanks for sharing. ((JUL)) Cheers, Jenn.
My mother was a control freak, bless her heart, but I know that she was this way only because she loved me and wanted to protect me. I think that this is true for a lot of parents because they mistakenly see their children as extensions of themselves. No child is a mini-me of you or I. They have their own lives to live complete with their own set of lessons to learn through mistakes just like we had to make. It's not easy to see them fall down, get hurt, etc., but we have to trust that they will find their own way in their own time and walking on their own paths...
ReplyDeleteGreat blog!
I think a lot of moms are like that lol: but as Marian said it's a sign of motherly protection. Some mother's are just more protective than others. As long as you guys have a laugh afterwards, that's all that matters, because there are mothers out there as we speak forcing their child to have the life they always wanted.
ReplyDeleteThe Kate Escape GBE2: control
My mom respected the fact that her children needed to walk their own paths, so we were encouraged to be free-thinkers and to follow our hearts. That was a gift far more enormous than I realized as a child--it took me years to fully understand just how wonderful her supportive, loving, gentle-handed guidance really was.
ReplyDeleteGreat post, Jul. ♥
My mom rarely tells me what I should be doing. She just goes behind my back and tells everyone else (my sisters, etc) what she thinks I should be doing LOL. I hope I can be the kind of mom that lets their kids find their own way in the world.
ReplyDeleteIt is tough not to want to tell our children what they should do when they turn into adults...but it is necessary to let them make their own decisions.
ReplyDeleteIt's a thin line knowing when your kids need to hear you and when you need to just sit and listen and come up with their own solutions. Sounds like you're doing a great job, Mom!
ReplyDelete